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Talking to Your Kids: They Have a Lot to Say but Nothing to Talk About
Often, by the time people come to my tutoring company, the parents have already tried to do some tutoring on their own...usually with bad results. The kids sit next to their parents, stone faced with their arms folded, while the parents look a little more than frustrated. Parents should't feel bad about this. Parents tutoring their kids usually doesn't work. There are too many emotions involved...tempers flare...and another reason not to talk has just emerged. This isn't unusual. I have some tutors who have other tutors tutor their kids. So First Things First... Re-Establishing the Lines of CommunicationsBesides getting their kids some tutoring help, one of the first tasks we have is to re-establish the lines of communications between the parents and their kids.We usually sit them all down and build some camaraderie. Talking to your kids isn't just words, it's the feeling that everyone is working on a common goal. By this time, kids think their parents are AGAINST them, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Parents willing to fork out big bucks to hire private tutors must be on the same side as their kids. Kids Need an Occasional "Reality Check"So we spend some time telling the kids that they should be grateful for this opportunity. We tell them that most kids will never receive private tutoring because it's cost prohibitive.For instance, if the kid plays baseball, we ask them if they would be grateful if their parents hired a private batting coach. This isn't any different, and unless the kid has a legitimate shot at college ball, tutoring is the better bet in the long run. Once we get them all on the same team, talking to your kids becomes a little easier. Communication is not only important, it’s hard. Especially in the teen years when your kids think you’re an old fart, that knows next to nothing. Please click here for more ideas on parent child communication. Some kids don’t want to talk to you, while others seem embarrassed to share a table with you for lunch...not all kids, just some.Kids have a hard time talking to parents because they feel their interests are so different. Parents have a hard time talking to kids because their kids always act so disinterested. Establishing Common Grounds and InterestsBut, maybe your kids really aren’t disinterested, you just need to know the right questions to ask. Talking to your kids can begin by involving yourself in their lives.Maybe showing more interest and becoming more involved in their activities might do the trick. And by the time they come to see me, at least the parents have now become involved in their kids education which is a starting point. I’m no expert on communicating with kids. But I talk to a lot of kids throughout the day, and they really come up with some gems! I often think what a shame that the parents didn’t hear what their kid just said. Of course, I try to relate the conversation to the parents, which usually embarrasses the kids, but parents really need to hear this. Your kids don’t hate you. They just need a little more maturity to be able to verbalize how they really feel about you! It’s never too late to begin the dialogue. Let them know you care by your actions and your words. One day, when they’re about 30 or so, they’ll realize just how much you did for them, and by then they will have the courage to verbalize their gratitude...or at least we can only hope. Return from Talking to Your Kids to Tutor Trend Homepage |
